Sometimes when I look at a picture of Alec, I feel joy. Joy in who he was, joy in the times I spent with him, joy that I was his mom.
Other times I feel pain. The pain of missing him, pain in wishing he was here with me, pain in remembering the day he died.
It can be from one day to the next. Or within the same day. Joy in one minute, pain in the next. So weird how emotions can span such a range from one moment to the next.
Grief from losing a child is a rollercoaster of emotions – they are daunting, challenging and exhausting. I’ve learned not to deny or push them down. When I do that, they swell up and end up consuming me in a funk that is so hard to get out of. I’m learning to recognize, acknowledge and then give myself grace.
This is what it looks like…
Janet…you are missing Alec. You are missing Alec because you love him. Its ok to miss him – he was special and he was your son.